Ministry of Information

Expect punny portions

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:58:11 GMT

Steerviche:

Beef tenderloin, cut into 1/8 inch thick slices. Cure in lime juice & scotch + herb/pineapple puree for as many days as practical. Mix with cucumber, diced and pico de gallo. Serve cold. (Yes, the beef never saw the heat)

Fusion Fission Chips:

Combine sashimi-grade ahi + ahi poke + shredded potatoes, form into vaguely steak-fry shapes. dredge in cornstarch, dip in beer-batter, fry. Serve hot, with reduction of Steerviche marinade and/or malt vinegar as optional condiments.

Lamburguesa:

Beat eggs, add minced onion, cumin, mint, paprika, salt/pepper. Combine with mix of ground lamb and chorizo in 2 to 1 ratio. form into large, thin patties and and cook. Toast flatbread. Combine copious cinnamon with honey and with small amount of preferred solvent (say, port) until easily spreadable. Spread on smooth side of flatbread, place cooked patty on top of said bread. Coat second piece as first, and place on top, honeyed side down. Serve warm/hot.

Brewmasher's Plate:

Cut assorted sausages in quarters lengthwise and grill on cast-iron skillet. Bring sufficient Guinness to cover sausages to a boil. Boil sausages in Guinness. Remove sausages, keep warm. add cubed potatoes to boiling beer. Cook until potatoes are soft, and beer has thickened into gravy. Remove potato cubes, mash. Combine goat cheese and coarse-ground mustard into spread. Chop burdock and celery fine, lengthwise. Wet rice-paper wrap and combine burdock, celery, assorted sausages, and cheese-mustard spread. Plate with mashed potatoes and gravy on side. Serve to people who realize you're supposed to eat the wrap/meta-sausage with your hands (why they tried to cut it with their knives, I don't entirely understand)

Spaghetti Marrow Meatballs:

Combine Spaghetti Marrow (aka Spaghetti Squash), cooked, with shredded broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage (cooked). Add beaten eggs and Italian sausage (out of casings). Add panko and seasonings. Combine thoroughly. Form into balls, and brown on stove top. Finish in oven, or steam as space, time, and equipment provides. Serve with sauce of grilled button mushrooms, tomatoes, onion, sherry, oregano, sage, sour cream.

Wine Pearings:

Cut pears in half. Remove seeds with melon-baller, leaving large empty space for later filling. Poach pears in water/brandy mix with dissolved brown sugar. Cook medium grain rice in water/port flavored with salt, honey, cardamom, nutmeg. Stir rice to ensure stickiness. When rice is cooked, combine with almond butter. Form rice balls sized to fit in holes in pears. Serve pears warm, with rice ball nestled in seed depression. Drizzle muscat over pear and rice.

Day after Darwin Day Dinner

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:57:20 GMT

1: Primordial Soup
Broth from [onion, celery, carrot, unearthly amounts of garlic] solids strained and removed
Liquid smoke
Mustard powder
Sherry
Agar [note to future self - agar sets MUCH faster than gelatin]

2: Seas Are Salad
Kombu, Wakami, assorted seaweed bits, salted Jellyfish
[note to future self - if the scissors break cutting up the seaweed, the pieces still need to be cut up more]

3: Cambrian Taste Explosion
Sauce: smoked baby clams, oysters, mussels, crab meat, nam pla, coconut milk, spicy-spicy-curry-ish assorted flavorings [puree until smooth -- yes, the sauce really is made from pureed meat]
Chunky bits: Shrimp, scallops
Veggie subst: Seitan mock Abalone in rice-wrapper on nori

4: Flowers before [there were] swine
Ginkgo Biloba [not really nuts]
Pine nuts
Wood ear
Shitake
Bamboo shoots [ribbon cut]
Wild rice
Baby lotus root
Coconut milk

5: Requiem for Dinosaur Jr, Jr.
Eggs, beaten [chicken]
Eggs, whole [Quail]
Flour
Mozzarella
solids from Primordial Soup
Yellow Bell pepper
Sage
Artichoke hearts
Avocado marinated in raspberry-balsamic vinegar
Veggie subst: Avocado halves with lemon juice and black pepper

6: Mammal Mia
Shallots
truffle butter
port marinated porcini
Goat cheddar
Chevre
Blue Stilton
Cambozola
Capers
elbow macaroni
ground beef, ground lamb, chorizo
mix above, alternate in layers with prosciutto, bake
Veggie subst: pasta with cheese sauce, bake

7: The Works of Man
Diet root beer
Sugar free red bull
More diet soda
Vanilla ice cream
Golden raisins
Blanched almond slices

Serves at least 9

Slaughter of the sacred cow

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:07:24 GMT

Appetizer: Steak & portobello egg roll

diced, rice-vinegar marinated flank steak
portobello, fine chopped
carrot, shredded
cabbage, shredded
egg, beaten
spices, numerous in marinade, pepper in reapplication
two layers of egg-roll wrappers
-serve with hoisin sauce available, but not coated

Salad: Beef bath broccoli

fresh whole broccoli, blanched in beef consomme, seasoned with black pepper

Cool dish: Prosciutto-wrapped flank steak and goat cheese on pressed ciabatta

oil and herb marinated flank steak, grilled rare, and then thinly sliced
fresh goat cheese
prosciutto
ciabatta
- slice and press ciabatta in griddle (or pannini press if available)
- mix goat cheese and flank steak, wrap serving in prosciutto, serve on ciabatta

Warm dish: Open faced sausage-burger

ground sirloin
chorizo
caramelized onions and bell peppers, minced
hoisin
Worcestershire
soy sauce
paprika
pepper
salt
- combine thoroughly, make very small patties, cook on griddle
capers, in balsamic vinegar reduction, pureed with olive oil
bottom of Hawaiian sweet roll
Swiss cheese of preference (Gruyere, or Emmental), sliced
leaf of fresh basil, slightly wilted in warm-water wash, dab dried
- coat top face of sweet roll with caper puree. place Swiss cheese, then sausage, then basil leaf on top

Dessert: Flank steak & brandied apricot (old school) mincemeat
puff pastry sheets
flank steak, minced
dried apricots, reconstituted in brandy, orange liqueur and beef bouillon, spiced with chinese five-spice powder and ginger
-mix raw meat and jam/gravied apricots, spread mixture on puff pastry, cover with puff pastry
-Bake at 400 for 20-25 minutes, or until top covering pastry begins to become golden-brown
-remove from oven, sprinkle sugar and cinnamon on top
-lower oven temperature to 170F and leave in oven for several hours while preparing above four dishes

Serves at least 7 ;-)

Last perfect number until 496

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 09:56:51 GMT

And to celebrate, I cooked up the following:

1. Fried rolls - (Chorizo-cabbage & mushroom-cabbage variants)
2. Cooked salad - (arugula+spinach+cherry tomato+red bell pepper+pine nuts+shallots+garlic+cranberries+pino noir reduction+microgreens+basil)
3. Topped puff-pastry (Almond chicken & curried fruit variants)
4a. Stilton potatoes + bacon-wrapped, leek-stuffed, vermouth-braised pork tenderloin
4b. Israeli-couscous + crimini + shallots + pino noir + basil + goat cheese
5. Creampuff + blueberry/blackberry/currant/port sauce + pineapple

Stilton-inspired casserole

Mon, 19 May 2008 06:18:23 GMT

Sauce:
dice one large onion(white)
finely chop 3 strips hickory-smoked bacon
combine on high heat
stir regularly until bacon fat coats onions
add salt
cook until browned

deglaze with ~1/4 cup port, ~1/2 cup Marsala
return to boil
add balsamic vinegar, parsley, chipotle powder, pepper, oregano, sage
reduce

Add whole milk until mixture takes on a kalua-like color
reduce

lower temperature to a simmer
add 1 large wedge of aged blue stilton, crumbled
stir until completely melted

Substance:
to baking dish, add broccoli florets, chopped bell pepper strips, and pine nuts
toss to coat with olive oil
place in 375 degree oven for 10-15 minutes

cook sufficient gemelli pasta to (along with above vegetation) nearly fill baking dish

remove baking dish from oven
add pasta to baking dish
pour sauce into baking dish
cover with arugula, and mix in as arugula slightly wilts

When thoroughly combined, place back in oven for 20-30 minutes

Eat and enjoy.

Things cooked for others recently

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 21:00:10 GMT

chicken in white wine sauce

spice-rubbed steak, with curry emphasis

pork sausage, portabello, pine nuts, onion, garlic, tomatoes (fresh, canned, sun-dried), olive oil, sherry, vermouth

ground turkey, rotini, marsala, button mushrooms, soybeans
(aka ground-turkey-helper marsala with mushrooms and soy)

spice-rubbed, pan-seared pork tenderloin with brandied, grilled pineapple spears, sweet-sour-sake rice with sesame seed, mango-shallot salsa

coconut-milk and pineapple curry with bamboo shoots, water chestnut, roasted cashews and prawns

eggplant, bean-sprout, basil, bamboo shoots, cashews and prawns in peanut&wine sauce

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:38:52 GMT

It is no longer Tuesday. I am no longer in Florida. I have spoken, and become again silent to that community. Cirque du Soleil, however, remains spectacular.

Another state, but what of being?

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 06:31:07 GMT

Tomorrow I go to Orlando, to speak for a brief time on a Tuesday.

Oops

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 08:06:30 GMT

Too much buckwheat. Not enough flavor. Will attempt sauce-based resurrection.

Juxtaposition

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 02:05:47 GMT

Flipping between two channels
Idly receiving the television massage
On one hand, the Seventh Seal
On the other, a countdown of songs from the 1980s

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 06:37:57 GMT

Arch/PL gathering at the Tullsen place.
Lots of faculty, lots of people I didn't know well/hadn't had my cooking before, so I played it very safe.

Butternut Squash and friends soup. Again. People keep seeming to like it a lot, it's safe, it's... probably the last time I'll make for a bit. I've done that too many times in a row now.

Spice-rubbed and grilled pork tenderloin with mango-pineapple-sweet_onion salsa. The only risk here was the cooking of the tenderloin (which I left up to the more experienced host) and the spice-rub, which I was totally improving on. Tropical salsa is pretty safe - apple-cider vinegar and brandy reductions bring fruits together and play well with pork.

A salad likewise safe alongside the soup, yet another play on the moz-roma-basil base, with the recurring endive & mushroom cooked until permeated with the sherry, olive oil and balsamic vinegar sauce. Roasted peppers again play a supporting role.

The soup went well - although I had to play up the orange mass in the kitchen until critical mass of recommenders was achieved.
~80% of the salad was consumed, so that must have been reasonably received.
Pork was well received, but became less profound as it cooled, and was in competition with peoples' waning appetites, having gorged themselves on snacks and salad fixings. Enough was eaten that the hosts could hope to finish of the leftovers easily, and took custody of the remains of the dish.

A good, if short, gathering. I spent much more time cooking than attending. More exciting than my usual Saturday night routine though.

People keep telling me I should consider being a chef - I think they misread both the profession and me. There is quite a gap between being able to put together a palatable dish and making a career out of serving hundreds of people every evening.

Can you feel the draft?

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 07:38:00 GMT

I was going to do a dinner party.
He who controls the scheduling of such things brought into existence an ArchLab grilling-type-thing.
Such events do not superimpose well.
So.... I'll just be bringing some food there.

My apologies to all non-arch folks.
Maybe I'll try again after ASPLOS.

Exit lunch Mk. II (Veggie mix)

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 02:44:13 GMT

Another year, another leaving.
Another crop initiated, another kitchen sullied, cleaned, sullied, and cleaned once more.
I was briefly tempted by tapenade - but the anchovies would have met with mixed embrace in this markedly more veggie crowd.

-Red-orange squashy soup (again)-
butternut squash
tomato-roasted-pepper soup mix
2 leeks
carrots
celery
sweet potato
cream
butter
allspice
pepper
nutmeg
cinnamon
ginger
cumin
coriander
marjoram
paprika
parsley
vermouth
marsala
corn
(no parmesan crackers this time)

-Insalata Caprese and Then Some In Roasted Bell Peppers-
Red bell peppers
Fresh mozzarella
basil
tomatoes
balsamic vinegar
lemon
sugar
sherry
porcini
portabella
endive
pepper
olive oil
shallot

-Israeli couscous darkly cast-
Israeli couscous
black fungus
blackbean garlic sauce
vermouth
oregano
salt
pepper
honey
olive oil
radicchio

-Cooked Salad-
Wild rice
Long grain rice
couscous
black beans
navy beans
kidney beans
cranberry
pistachio
pine nuts
almonds
endive
arugula
Olive oil
Turmeric
Oregano
Ginger
Shallot

-Cyan potatoes-
Russet potatoes
butter
cream
gorgonzola
chevre de bellay (with herbs, of course)
mozzarella
marsala
sherry
flour
basil
oregano
tarragon
pepper
salt
cayenne
shallot

-Toast and jam-
Lavash bread
honey
fig preserves
quince paste
dates
butter
pine nuts
pistachios
almonds

Unintentional Flambe

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 07:17:58 GMT

Most memorable moment of the day - The alcohol vapors from the brandy I was cooking the apples and mangos in combusted, popping open the oven door, and setting a dishtowel next to the oven on fire.

Not quite as intended, but the flambe effect (the brandy then continued burning) was actually a nice note for the food.

Lists (for serving 17+) -

#1 ---
Butternut Squash
Leek
Carrot
Sweet Potato
Tomato+Roasted Pepper Soup-in-a-box
Cream
Butter
Basil
Pepper
Allspice
Nutmeg
Cinnamon
Cumin
Coriander
Marjoram
Parsley
Paprika
Vermouth
Marsala
Corn
#1.e ---
Parmesan
Pepper
Cayenne
Paprika
Poultry Seasoning

#2 ---
Leek
Carrot
Cabbage
Butter
Flour
Sherry
Marsala
Cucumber
Whole Basil Leaves
Bell Pepper
Oregano
Garlic
Wood Ear
Morel
Chantarelle
Porcini
Cream
Fontina
Chevre
Stilton
Parmesan
Myzithra
Cumin

#3 ---
Pork Tenderloin
Salt
Allspice
Paprika
Pepper
Rosemary
Thyme
Oregano
Coriander
Fennel Seed
Leek
Shallot
Garlic
Mango
Apple
Brandy
Vermouth
Rice
Apple Cider Vinegar
Sugar
Port
Toothpicks

#4 ---
Pine Nuts
Walnuts
Almonds
Butter
Flour
Chicken Thighs
Vegetable Oil
Sherry
Shallots
Paprika
Pepper
Salt
Poultry Seasoning
Basil
Cayenne
Parsley
Couscous

Increasing Utility

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 05:28:28 GMT

Cooked for chunk of extended family. Meal was enjoyed. All is well with a little tiny sliver of the world for a few hours.

Gluttony

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 23:29:32 GMT

Ate at Google today. Twice, actually.

*rubs belly*

hmmm... due in 3 months?

*rubs belly*

I am broken

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 07:04:56 GMT

The news said it was 86 in SF today, but I wasn't in SF. The thermometer outside said 100. It's almost midnight now, it still says 78. In front of my computer, it's still 80-something. I couldn't bear to turn the thing on until after 11. I need to get work done for a Sunday night review of a paper. It's still too hot to think. I am not pleased.

Heat completely derails me. I lose my appetite, I get headaches, I become very irritable, and it becomes more difficult for me to concentrate. I can slog through meaningless rote tasks, or take the opportunity to channel my discomfort into an opportunity for nurturing misanthropic trains of thought - and the loss of appetite helps keep the Coachella expenses down. I can't seem to do anything useful, however, and even as often as I squander wantonly my time at hand, the weather doesn't happen to be on my list for entities I'd be happy to give up control over such things to.

...
I shouldn't have turned the machine on yet. It was too early - not cold enough. I'm sweating just writing this. I feel dirty just thinking about my clothes, and they're the second pair I've put on today, after a mid-day shower in pleasantly chill water. I'm tempted to go back and take another one.

This is driving me crazy.

12:00 and all's something-or-other

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 07:30:39 GMT

It's too hot to sleep, at least with the machine on.

My thermal envelope is rather wretched. I require aftermarket cooling.

... no, I wasn't talking about the machine.

At least it dulls the cravings for a more populated sleeping arrangement - unless there's AC involved. One ponders the likely efficacy of a "Will cuddle for AC" sign being despondently held by an increasingly bedraggled and sweat drenched fellow standing in a median, as he slowly desiccates into another layer of tar-bound dust.

A few degrees

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 17:24:52 GMT

A slight reprieve, a wistful breeze
So cooling, clean, those few degrees

Faulty Memory

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 06:06:43 GMT

Anyone have any advice on how to remember U/PW pairs for sites one visits once a year or so, but for which it doesn't seem prudent to record anywhere on one's machine?
/me will be calling customer service tomorrow :-(.

Of course, I have to make an entirely different customer service call soon anyway - one of my video cards went *poof*.

Much annoyance.

How-to guide:

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 06:09:34 GMT

How to tell that you're in an upscale neighborhood:

I-POD vending machine in a supermarket. I'm not making this up.

The Linoleum isn't foot friendly

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 08:58:00 GMT

Soup: Leek/Celery/Bamboo-shoot + Straw mushrooms
Salad: Arugula/Baby-lettuce/Gorgonzola/Clover sprouts/almonds +assorted mushrooms&endive in balsamic vinegar reduction
Appetizer: Rice paper wraps stuffed with kikurage,carrot, green onion, mint, basil, cilantro, plum sauce+hoisin, cucumber, bean sprouts
Entree(V): Wild mushroom mix + Israeli couscous + soybeans in black-bean/vermouth sauce
Entree(Oa): pork sausage+portabella+artichoke heart +pine nuts + kalamata + marinara over pasta
Entree(Ob): top sirloin, rubbed with spices, seared, and then warmed on low temp in a port-cranberry-tripplesec reduction sauce with sauteed carrots and grilled portabella & consumee
Dessert: French vanilla ice-cream on cinnamon&sugar coated chips of toasted flatbread, surrounded by mix of wild and farmed blueberries, the totality drizzled in port
Wines: 2005 Fetzer Gewurztraminer, 2002 Mondavi Chardonnay, R.L. Buller Muscat

They come, they eat, they leave.
They come, they eat, they leave.
They come, they eat, they leave.

I think they left well.

Skeletons

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 07:56:18 GMT

Greenery and he disagree violently. Her eating restrictions are many, varied, and seemingly unrelated - but in some sense easier to navigate as not even she knows them in full. Compromises, separate portions - apparently worthwhile, for their enjoyment. That's most of what matters, really, that what I created fulfilled some portion of its intended effect.

Soup:
carrot,leek,celery,bamboo shoot, shredded, sautéed
salt
Vermouth,vinegar, reduce
Water
Honey, mustard, mix
Oregano, basil, pepper, flavor

Sauce: (Mix, reduce)
Port
Triplesec
Dried cranberries, chopped
Consommé
A1
Carrot, shredded, sautéed

Portobello, sliced, grilled, added to sauce during reduction

Top sirloin, rubbed with salt & pepper, quick seared, sliced, dredged in sauce post-reduction. Mix on low heat until rare.

Serve on top of potatoes, sliced thick, dredged in oil, rosemary, marjoram, basil, grilled.

Served 7.

Sauce:
Peanut butter
Ginger
Tomato sauce
Vermouth, Sherry
Allspice
Cinnamon
Oregano
Pepper

Onions, sautéed with cilantro
Pasta, boiled, oil coated
Shrimp, cooked quickly in the melting sauce
Basil, added post-burner, wilted on residual heat

Served 3.

Rice&pasta bits, any pilaf mix will do, fried until golden-brown
Vermouth, reduced
Water
Turmeric
Salt,Pepper,

Chicken,chopped
Sesame oil
Paprika, rosemary, oregano, basil, salt, pepper

Walnuts, ground, peas, boiled, mixed with all other ingredients

Served 3.

Mundane annoyances of the extraordinary kind

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 16:34:44 GMT

It would appear that my mail is not being delivered - and here I was thinking that the only people I'd have to convince that I exist would be narcissistic solipsists.

Legumes

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 09:46:26 GMT

Eating breakfast while starting to cook dinner. Dried beans are not an impatient one's friend.
Some unorthodox additions: okra and hoisin.